White Lies

There are two kinds of people in the world – one who pretend that everything is alright and live the life marooned in a mirage, and some who have the balls to stand up and say enough! I’ m not liking who I am or what I’m doing right now, and I want to do something about it. Needless to say I ‘m writing this little rant , playing hooky from this excel sheet that I’ve been filling up laboriously (not) since goodness knows when . one month into being treated like a clerk in a channel’s programming department , tagging along for endless shoots and writing out scripts and reports in a language as friendly to me as math was once upon a time , let’s just assume (or just say it), I ‘ve left my brain back in my two seater at Lavale.

Makes me ponder. What was the point of this internship? Here I am spending close to two grand a week , struggling to make ends meet , waking up every day to dry buttered (not) toast and watery coffee only to rush to work and be pushed around? The dictionary has fondly  christened the term intern for ‘ a student undergoing supervised practical training that will enhance his growth potential ‘ . That sounds like a welcome package ,  something right out of a country club brochure . The student envisions himself being welcomed in , only short of a red carpet , seated and given the dream job , that he invariably ends up bagging , with the stipend as the cherry on top. You w.i.s.h

In reality , you wander hesitantly down the corridor of your office, and you’re given a lukewarm distracted welcome , asked to hang around indefinitely while your  well wishing ‘mentors’ whisper loudly about where to accommodate you ( accommodate does not mean professional accommodation , it refers to the space you occupy in the miniscule department) and  eventually you’re given the million dollar smile and your little seat.  The accommodation problem sorted , the HR seems o think his job is done and he saunters off. You’re left at the mercy of the girl siting beside you, who makes you an offer to tag along with her for meetings and shoots . your position tends to accelerate when people around your workplace realize that they have a free clerk at their disposal. Then watch out, your time is not yours anymore. From Xeroxing sheets to writing out lists to prompting the anchor her script, you’re the ring master of your circus while the director has gone for a smoke! Your name becomes synonymous to an unpaid clerk , who everyone looks at when they have to mind their own business and need a proxy.

The stark similarities between a country club offer and an internship is evident here. The country club makes you a welcoming offer and you plunge headlong into it , only to find yourself paying right out of your pocket at every advancing step.

By the end of a month you’re burnt out, fatigued, mind fucked and clueless as to what you’re doing in an organization, where you have no interest in spending another minute. when the day dawns that you start googling IRCTC tickets back home and counting the days left on your mobile calendar is the day you must admit to yourself that you officially need help!

In reality such a moment makes your realize what you hate the most about your life. Lets you compartmentalize your hate list , lock them into little draws and throw the key away .

With the things you hate left behind you, you feel a lot lighter , like this huge American tourister you’ve been lugging around all your life is finally off your ass.

I look forward to the last day of my internship with the same anxiety Anand Jon awaits his trial. Rather extreme, I admit but there’s nothing as derogatory or mind fucking as going about day in and day out doing something you hate. Its like being tied down to a bad marriage. You  wake up every day next to the man you loathe , yet you fake a smile and pretend everything is ok. And you tell yourself, that things will get better only  to find yourself years later growing grey around the temples  wondering why you did not have the guts to walk out when you could!

It’s the same with the job. You fake a smile every morning , walk into the same office and spend your day eyes glued to the clock on the wall. And remember that if it’s the watch that guides your day, you are NOT having fun.

Either I have the guts to come out and admit to the world ( more to myself) that I’m hating it and want to leave than stick around and live a lie. Two months of this trial has left me drained and hating the concept of internship. To be fair some of my peers are having a kickass time and actually loving every minute of it but that luck did not smile down on me this time round.

Yet I feel that the worst has passed, stretched to' the nerve breaking -hollering -around -the room -in- a -fit- of -madness ‘ moment has passed. Things can only get better from now. And they will.. only because I have screwed up the guts to tell myself that I am not liking what I’m doing.

 A word of advice to the organizations hiring interns – if there’s nothing significant happening in your company refrain from taking on interns , and always remember to put yourself into the shoes of a college student once in a while.. I mean, doing excel sheets and waiting for a hairstylist all afternoon is going to bore you definitely .. why on earth  would it amuse an intern?

So there goes. To all those fragile minds I have hurt by penning this down , I must clarify that I do not feel the least bit sorry . Truth’s dagger can sometimes hurt ,   just as much as a miserable internship and a few wasted grand not to mention wastage of intellectual property. I cant remember the last time I used my brain.

Food for thought before I sign off , is duty reason enough to live a lie?